Paddington Bear is real. I saw him yesterday at Paddington station. Wow. Saturday is my cousin’s wedding. She is so so lucky. I’m not ashamed to admit I am jealous! I want to start my life too, but am stuck in a rut, pulled by strings attached to my family, well my dad really, who doesn’t know a thing about me or notice anything I do or have done for the family, yet wants to dictate my future, now that his is over. And I can’t say or do anything because of the consequences. They say doctors are their own worst doctors. See he never took care of his own health, only everyone else’s in Hillingdon. So now we have to wait and see, and pick up the pieces. I want to get a scissor and cut the strings, but the string is like a very thick rope. I don’t know when I will get there. If I get there.

Frumpy girl I mentioned in my previous entry has been promoted and will sit next to me. I wish I could be happy for her, first engaged and then promoted. I wish I could be as confident as her really. As all of them at work. But again, because I am still a child at home, still waiting to start my life, I will always be a junior at work. They are linked you see. I can’t wait to be a proper adult. Funny for a woman who is 27. DAMN IT!!!