I have compared it to a scab what I am going through. When you are cut, a scab forms, but you pick at it cos it feels nice to pick it. But the more you pick, the more it will scar and the longer it will take to heal. And sometimes if you pick a scab to early, the wound bleeds. So I need to let myself heal first. I aim to take the whole of December to let the wound heal, and then maybe it will stop hurting.

Thank you Hai for helping me come to this. We went for a pre-xmas meal with 10 people I had not met before. It always helps to talk to strangers, and it was so nice to be in a social circle again. This was definately the start of my new beginning. We went to The Hill in Greenwich and I had fish n chips. The next day, i did something new again, I watched rugby! And I actually liked it, it’s much more entertaining than football.

Britney Spears was on the X Factor, as well as Miley Cyrus. Lets put it this way, 15-year-old Miley was a much better performer and a much wiser person than Ms Spears.

Mama’s memorial singing thing was on Sunday. It took place in the basement of a house in Romford Road, owned by a man whose daughter had died of cancer on xmas day – I could feel something eery in the room. It was the first time we saw my mum speak infront of a group of strangers. People kept taking pictures of her while she spoke of her brother. I am so proud of her.

Dad flew to Mecca today for Hajj. I am so worried for him, but know this should technically be the safest place, because surely Allah will be watching over him there of all places, so nothing bad will happen to him. He will be blessed.