Yes really, that title is no joke! I was so pleased with myself for not getting PND for the first few months of Honey Nut’s life. Having nearly got it with Tyler when he was a newborn, I was on high alert for any dark feelings, being open with my husband and my family with my feelings so I never really felt down. But come September/October, some dark feelings crept up again, and I can now see that I definitely had a dash of PND for a month or so.
It did coincide with Tyler starting school and me mourning the end of our pre-school life. So I felt down about this anyway, add to this a 2 month-old baby who could scream the house down and a boy who was not used to a new routine, early nights and not being able to have all my attention – this led to meltdowns from all of us.
Honey Nut’s crying made me reluctant to leave the house, and my mood was getting lower and lower, I did not want to socialise, talk to anyone in real life. I just wanted to stay in bed in my PJs and watch TV. I didn’t care about my appearance. I would throw on whatever was on my bedroom floor, take Tyler to school, come home, get back in my PJS and stay in the bedroom with Honey Nut until it was time to pick up Tyler again. You may think, when was I feeling like this when I posted a pretty photo of Honey Nut on social media everyday – well those photos were taken on top of the duvet!
Usually I would drop Tyler off and do what I need to do in town, like posting eBay packages or buying food from Tesco, before rushing back to watch Homes Under the Hammer at 10am. It became a weird addiction, I had to get back to watch this show everyday. And then I’d watch the rest of the crap on Freeview – Baby Daddy, That 70s Show, Big Bang Theory, Dinner Date, My Wife and Kids, whilst feeding Honey Nut and winding her. It was addictive and it was not good, I was not seeing real people, taking Honey Nut out and my mood was just getting lower and lower.
The last straw came when I actually started dreaming about Homes Under the Hammer, and Lucy and Martin were my best friends! I was like, oh my god, how can this be happening to me, to be dreaming about this hosts?! That morning I looked at my beautiful Honey Nut and thought, what is wrong with me!! All through my pregnancy I could not wait to meet you, I was dreaming about meeting you, and now that you are here, why am I more concerned about seeing a bunch of people buy a house at auction and that paint the walls magnolia?!
It was like a lightbulb switched on above my head. My beautiful girl is here. She’s here! And she needs my attention, me to show her the world
I switched the TV off.
I vowed never to watch Homes Under the Hammer again.
I would take this beautiful baby girl out and show her the world. Well, Slough, to start off with 😉 I would take her to Rhymetimes and baby groups, play with her, sing to her, make her smile.
At home, I would put the radio on instead of the TV, and she loves hearing me sing along to the songs.
When I went to pick up Tyler from school and Honey Nut would be sleeping in the buggy, I’d put my iPod on, so I was walking to my favourite 90s tunes – that really put a spring in my step!
And the evening routine with Tyler was suddenly better too, maybe because we were happier. I think that’s another blog post, as when we do in the evenings now has improved things so much! Let’s just say his Hudl (tablet) broke, which totally changed everything for the better.
And then suddenly I felt like making an effort with my appearance. I would do my hair and makeup in the morning. I bought new boots and TWO coats, one yellow and one pink, plus a new hat! It makes such a difference when you go out and feel good about how you look.
So, good riddance Homes Under the Hammer. Hello music and happiness!
Why I am writing this? Who knows, someone out there might be going through the same thing, so I just wanted to share what happened, and how it got fixed with the help of music. I know for some people, PND is much more severe and you do need to get help from the GP or with anti-depressants, and if that’s the case, do get that help. But sometimes a simple thing like turning off the TV, having uplifting music on, even having a new coat, just turning that positive mindset on can really help turn things around.